hashtag_chocobro | Prompto's Voicemail.

Normally she would just text, because she wasn't a monster, but right now, she was furious and that meant ranting into voicemail and that meant you, dear friend! Aren't you excited?

She barely waited for the greeting to end and the phone to beep before leapt into it. "Impossible! Absolutely fucking impossible, unhelpful, rude, and obnoxious to boot! How am I supposed to know a damn thing about cars, I ask you? Do I bring any of you to a different plane and then blame you for not knowing how things work? No, because I am not a rotting idiot and if he's not careful, that rotting is going to be a descriptor of his mortal form!

"And you can't tell Ignis, obviously! Because the moment you mention this, he'll know exactly what's happening and why and may the Abyss take too-clever men! This would be so much easier if I could just ask him, since even blind he couldn't be a worse teacher than Dean, but quite obviously I can't! Why is there such a dearth of bloody helpful people on this forsaken island? There's a reason you don't see me calling Gladio now isn't there?!"

She made a frustrated noise into the phone. "Call me and let me know if you're available and capable of assisting me please and again, if you breathe a word of this to Ignis, I'm going to call hellfire down on this entire island just watch!"

And yet another frustrated noise as she remembered that you weren't supposed to threaten the lives and livelihoods of friends because they got all snippy or even worse, sad and she honestly couldn't handle dealing with another man's negative feelings today. "I mean," she grit out through clenched teeth, "I would appreciate it if you didn't inform Ignis of this conversation as it would greatly ruin things and that will upset me." And no one wanted that, but we still kept the raining hellfire thing unspoken. "Thank you."

Edited 2024-04-19 23:23 (UTC)

Well. That was....huh. That was...

Prompto listened to the message Liliana left a second time, and, yup, nope, didn't help at all. So...

Um, ring ring?

Luckily for Prompto, she hadn't finished walking home yet and so was able to answer, because again, this wasn't a conversation she could have in the house.

...Also, as soon as she got home, she was going to be busy. Intensely busy. For several hours. But Prompto probably didn't want to think about that.

"Oh good," she said and she did not sound any less angry. "It's you. If it were anyone else, I would have shoved my phone into a squirrel and then rotted the squirrel."

You were correct. He did not.

"Ohhhhhkaaayyyyy," said Prompto, because what else could you say to a greeting like that? "Is, uh, everything alright, Liliana? Did something happen? While you were...trying to learn something about cars?"

See? He could be smart, too! Sometimes!

Tch, rude. It was a lovely picture, Prompto and you were missing out.

"To drive them, of course!" Liliana snapped, and then Prompto could probably hear the reins she was putting on her temper in order to modulate her tone. "I mean," she said more reasonably even if he could still hear the seething fury below the false calm she was using to talk to him, "to drive them. I asked Dean to show me how. And it was an unmitigated disaster, unmitigated in that he is a horrid teacher. Did you know that 'give the car some gas' means to press down on the accelerator? I didn't. I don't even know what gas means in this context! 'Don't gun it' has nothing to do with guns, apparently, so who knows if gas has anything to do with gas! I most certainly don't!"

Okay, look, she could either not rant or not bite your head off, Prompto, she cannot be expected to not do both.

And oh, watch her fury when she discovered 'gas' was actually a liquid. Just watch.

Oh, Prompto was so glad this conversation was happening over the phone, because if Liliana saw the grin forming on his face once he started to piece this all together, then surely Liz would shortly become a widow.

"So you want me to help you learn how to drive?"

A pause, considering the Ignis of it all.

"In secret?"

Look, plenty of children grew up without fathers, Noctra would be fine.

"Obv--" Right. Politeness. We were being polite. "Yes." She ground out. "Please. If that is something you believe you would be able to do. However, if you agree, you have to understand, it will be only my second time in a car. So I will not know how things work, or why things work and that it will be your literal fucking task to explain them to me!"

Whoops. Ranting again.

"Instead of getting snippy and rude and questioning my capabilities because I don't know something because it was never explained!"

That last one almost sounded like a wail but of course it wasn't and if you thought otherwise you were wrong and also shut up.

Oh, yeah, because snippy and rude were definitely two words often applied to Prompto Argentum.

"I mean," he said, "I'll be honest, I'm way better with motorcycles than I am cars, but I can definitely give it a shot, especially if you also wanna know the hows and whys, I got you. I used to help Cindy put all the time at the Hammerhe--you know what? Never mind. Non-important details. I also don't have a car, but I could rig one up easy enough in the danger shop, that'd be way safer, anyway, really, and, hey, wait, we never did get around to those shooting lessons either...."

Yeah, going to Dean was definitely on Liliana there. She hadn't thought that one through.

"Cindy at the Hammerhead, who took the picture of you all once the Regalia was fixed, yes?" Liliana asked, because she paid attention to things.

When they were important to her anyway.

"...What is a motorcycle?"

At some point in his answer, her fury had gotten outpaced by just trying to follow what he was talking about.

Behold! The power of ADHD!

"Oh, wow," Liliana could probably hear Prompto's blink. "Good memory! Yeah, exactly! The Hammerhead is her garage. Well, it was her grandpa's garage back then, you can see it in the background, I spent a lot of time there during the..."

He stopped, shook his head to stop the rambling.

"Anyway, you ever see a bicycle before?" But he remembered that there weren't a lot of those around the island either, and now he was just remembering that time he spent a whole weekend doing nothing but riding one up and down all those stairs and ohgod phantom pains!

"Err, well, a motorcycles another kind of motorized vehicle, but instead of four wheels and a carriage, it's just two wheels and a seat. Oh! Kind of like a horse if a horse had wheels instead of legs and an engine instead of, you know, a body. And no head? Here, let me show you."

And now Prompto remembered they were on the phone and he could just send her a picture of one.

Pfft, remembering Cindy and the Hammerhead was nothing. Ask her what she remembered about the gods and magic and the Starscourge and be really impressed. She was actually quite smart, Prompto, regardless of what certain driving instructors would have you believe.

"So nothing at all like a horse," Liliana snarked after that description. Then her phone chimed and she put him on speaker phone so she could examine what he sent. "That looks very precarious," she noted. "Is it good for, say, riding down a winding seaside road with the wind in your hair?"

As a completely random example.

"Well, you should probably wear a helmet for safety," what? He was a dad now!, "so maybe not the last part, but it's great for when you want to get around fast and quick."

"Mmm, I believe the wind in one's hair was an important part of the experience," Liliana said thoughtfully. "Though I suppose there's no harm in learning both. There's rarely a situation when having less knowledge is better than more."

"Yeah," Prompto snorted faintly, "you really can't miss the wind in the hair experience. But sure, Liliana, I'll see what I can get together and we'll have us a nice car lesson."

Don't you sass her, Prompto! This wasn't her perfect day she was attempting to create here!

"I appreciate that, Prompto, thank you." Beat. "As perhaps you gathered from my message, it's imperative that you not let Ignis know about this."

Because he was too clever by half, Prompto, and all her hard work would be destroyed.

There was a long hesitation on the other line, as Prompto debated the levels of his curiosity against his own memory of some of those threats Liliana had been making.

She seemed to have calmed down? So maybe it'd be worth a shot.

"...can I ask why not?"

Sure, he could guess, but....

"I..."

Look, don't you remember how hard it had been to admit over text that Ignis lived with her? And now you wanted her to say, with her actual voice, that this was all in service to create something said in idle conversation not even a full month into their...however they wanted to define that part of their relationship, since clearly 'dalliance' certainly no longer fit.

"There was...a discussion. Once. About such things. And I...well. It seemed. Appropriate. To...you know, for the upcoming holiday..."

Was there one? Probably! Look, November and December had been chock full of holidays. Surely they had sprinkled others about the rest of the calendar!

"....Cinco de Mayo?"

"...Sure." She knew what that meant! She had no idea why it was a holiday, but she knew what the words meant! "Celebramos el Cinco de Mayo con un buen paseo."

There. Surely the Spanish made it sound more legitimate.

Well, it wasn't like Prompto was in any position to refute or doubt any of it!

"Uh-huh," he said, more amused than anything else. "But don't worry, Liliana. Your secret is safe with me."

Liliana's expression turned sour. She was fairly certain that Prompto wasn't buying this at all and, quite honestly, she couldn't blame him. She probably wouldn't have either.

"Yes well. Thank you. For that. And also the...help." Gaia, she had never needed quite so much help as she had since moving to this miserable little island on a plane in the middle of nowhere. She was getting steadily more pugnacious about this, both wanting to do this and also hating every moment of it as each new moment apparently brought new indignities. "Well, I'm going to finish my walk home now. And so just. Let me know. Whenever this is. Yes. Goodbye, Prompto."

And then she hung up immediately. It wasn't the equivalent of fleeing the conversation, she was being efficient.

Prompto's Voicemail.

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